Inner Child’ is Health and Me's new mental health series where we deep dive into lesser-known aspects of child psychology and how it shapes you as you grow up. Often unheard, mistaken, and misunderstood, in this series we talk about the children’s perspective and their mental health, something different than you might have read in your parenting books. After all, parenting is not just about teaching but also unlearning.

A toddler stumbles, grazes their knee, and bursts into tears. The parent, instinctively, scoops them up and smacks the floor:

“Bad floor! Look what you did to my baby!”

The child’s sobs quiet down, their gaze turns to the floor. They feel seen, understood, and strangely soothed. But something deeper just happened—something psychological, something lasting.

In that split second, blame was introduced as a form of emotional relief. And it likely stuck.

Children begin learning the dynamics of cause and effect long before language kicks in. According to Dr. Charles Nelson, professor of pediatrics at Harvard Medical School and Boston Children’s Hospital, infants are “like little scientists,” constantly scanning their environments for patterns, reactions, and consequences.

By 12 to 18 months, toddlers can associate actions with outcomes. They may not have the vocabulary to explain what happened, but they are highly sensitive to how adults frame emotional responses. So when a child gets hurt and sees their caregiver express outrage—not at the pain, but at the object—the message received is, “Something caused my pain. I am not to blame. That thing is.”

This isn’t just comforting, it’s the foundation of an emotional habit that can echo well into adulthood.

Blame as a Comfort Mechanism

In those early years, children are overwhelmed by big emotions—fear, sadness, confusion—without the tools to process them. When adults shift those emotions outward by blaming an object (a toy, a table, the floor), it provides instant clarity.

Psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour, author of Under Pressure, explains, “Assigning blame feels good because it gives discomfort a direction. It gives fear an enemy.” It’s developmentally normal but the catch is, when repeated, this pattern teaches kids that blame isn’t just useful—it’s soothing and once something becomes soothing, it gets hardwired.

The “Inner Child” Never Forgot

Fast forward 20 or 30 years, you miss a deadline or a friend cancels plans or your partner calls you out on something you said. What’s your first reaction?

If it’s defensiveness, or a rush to find fault in someone else—you might be looking at the echoes of a pattern laid down in toddlerhood. This is the inner child at play, still trying to manage discomfort through externalization.

Neuroscience supports this, according to research from UCLA’s Brain Mapping Center, early emotional responses shape the amygdala and prefrontal cortex connections—the same regions involved in emotional regulation and threat assessment in adulthood.

What that means in simple terms, the emotional shortcuts we learn before we’re three… stick.

Why Makes Parents Do It?

This is not about bad parenting. Most parents who smack the floor when their child cries are doing it out of instinctive empathy and a strong urge to protect. Some may even be trying to distract the child from pain by redirecting their focus but that protection sometimes comes at a subtle cost: the child doesn’t learn how to sit with difficult feelings or how to self-soothe without blame.

Over time, if every distressing event is paired with an external villain, the child doesn’t just avoid pain—they avoid accountability, resilience, and emotional processing.

What Are Kids Really Learning?

When children consistently learn to blame something else for their emotions—whether it’s a toy, a sibling, or the weather—they’re more likely to:

• Struggle with frustration tolerance
• React with anger or withdrawal when criticized
• Develop a victim mindset in adulthood
• Avoid self-reflection or growth after failure

In clinical settings, psychologists refer to this as external locus of control—believing that outside forces dictate your emotional reality. It’s linked to higher anxiety, low self-esteem, and passive-aggressive tendencies in adults.

What’s the Alternative?

You can still be a comforting, empathetic parent or caregiver—without teaching blame. Here’s how:

1. Name the Emotion, Not the Villain

Instead of hitting the floor, say:

“That must have scared you.”

“You didn’t expect that. It’s okay to feel sad.”

Research in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry shows that naming emotions helps toddlers regulate them faster.

2. Normalize the Experience

Say: “Everyone trips sometimes.”

This sends the message that pain is part of life—not an unfair attack.

3. Comfort Without Redirection

Hold the child. Offer warmth and presence. You don’t need to distract them from pain—you’re teaching them that pain can be survived.

Can Adults Can Reparent Themselves?

If you notice yourself getting defensive, blaming others quickly, or feeling emotionally fragile when things go wrong—you’re not broken. You’re human but you’re also likely reenacting an old pattern from your early wiring. Therapists working with inner child healing often guide clients to pause before blame, and ask instead:

• What am I feeling right now?
• What am I afraid this means about me?
• Can I validate the feeling without blaming?

This small shift can be emotionally liberating—a way to rewrite the script we were handed before we could even speak.

When we hit the floor to stop a child from crying, we’re trying to comfort them. But sometimes comfort masks the deeper work of emotional education. Blame, when taught early, becomes an emotional reflex. But it’s one we can interrupt—with awareness, with language, and with love because one of the most powerful things we can teach a child is this, pain doesn’t need a villain to be real, it just needs to be felt and survived.

‘Fight through cancer’, ‘you can’t let cancer kick you down’ are things survivors and people who have had recent cancer diagnosis. While it is a good sentiment, one must understand that cancer is difficult a difficult process to go through. However, this young college student did not let this stop her.

LaShae Rolle, a 27-year-old competitive powerlifter, can squat a massive 441 pounds, bench press 292 pounds, and deadlift 497 pounds. Last year, breast cancer threatened her dreams of competing against the best. But Rolle didn't let it stop her. She powered through her cancer treatment, maintaining an intense strength training program all along. And then, she wrote a study about her experience.

Lifting Through Treatment

Rolle, who is studying public health sciences at the University of Miami, became the subject of her own unique study. She documented her journey of elite-level strength training while undergoing chemotherapy, a mastectomy (breast removal surgery), and radiation.

Her study, published in the journal Lifestyle Medicine, challenges the common belief that cancer patients should only do low or moderate exercise. Rolle explained that strength training was key to her identity as an athlete and researcher. During her cancer journey, it helped her feel connected to herself and in control of her body and mind.

By the end of her treatment, Rolle had managed to keep almost all the strength she had before her cancer diagnosis. She proudly stated that she kept going, adapting her workouts around her chemotherapy cycles to train safely. This physical activity gave her a sense of normalcy when everything else felt uncertain.

Why This Research Matters

Previous studies have shown that moderate exercise can help cancer patients by reducing tiredness, improving physical ability, and easing treatment side effects. However, that research usually focused on average people doing regular workouts, not elite athletes trying to maintain high-intensity efforts during treatment.

In the Miller School of Medicine news release, Tracy Crane, a director at the University of Miami's Sylvester Comprehensive Cancer Center and Rolle's mentor, emphasized that Rolle's story is a powerful reminder that recovery from cancer isn't just about getting better; it's about regaining strength, identity, and purpose. She added that Rolle's commitment to powerlifting shows how movement can be a way to heal, empower, and advocate for oneself.

Rolle's Training Plan and Impressive Results

Rolle was diagnosed with stage 2B breast cancer in 2024. Her cancer was fueled by female hormones, and she didn't have a genetic link to the disease. Her colleagues at the University of Miami helped her create a strength training plan that fit around her chemotherapy schedule:

• High-intensity days were planned before her chemo sessions, focusing on squats, bench press, and deadlifts.
• Moderate days between chemo cycles included exercises like rows and shoulder presses.
• Recovery days immediately after chemo involved light movement and therapy.

By the end of her treatment, Rolle had retained an incredible 93% of her squat strength and 87% of her bench press and deadlift strength. These are remarkable numbers for someone going through chemotherapy. Rolle kept herself accountable by documenting everything with videos and in a training diary, which reminded her of her ongoing strength. She expressed amazement looking back at videos of herself lifting over 400 pounds while on chemotherapy.

Researchers note that these specific findings mainly apply to elite athletes who already have a background in high-intensity training, rather than the average cancer patient. However, Rolle believes her study highlights the importance of creating treatment plans tailored to each patient's needs. She is motivated to continue lifting and to advocate for evidence-based exercise as a key part of cancer care.

Grieving is different for everyone; some people grieve in private, while others grieve by sharing their love and stories with others. It is a natural process one goes through after a loss. While you are eventually expected to move on and find peace with the absence, it isn’t easy for many. Some people grieve for years and others spend their lifetimes looking for peace after the loss.

A new study reveals that people experiencing very strong grief after losing a loved one are almost twice as likely to die within ten years of that loss. This means their chances of dying early increase by 88%.

Long-Term Impact of Grief

The study, published in Frontiers in Public Health, looked at how grief affects people over a decade. It found that those with consistently high levels of grief in the first few years after a loss were not only more likely to die sooner but also:

• Nearly three times more likely to get mental health care, like talk therapy.
• Over five times more likely to be prescribed antidepressants.
• More than twice as likely to be given sedatives or anti-anxiety medications.

Researchers followed over 1,700 grieving men and women in Denmark. Their average age was 62. Most of them (66%) had lost their partner, 27% had lost a parent, and 7% had lost another close person.

Participants answered questions about their grief levels over the first three years after their loss. The study found that about 6% of people had very high grief that didn't lessen over time. In contrast, 38% had consistently low grief, and 47% experienced strong or moderate grief at first, which then slowly decreased.

How Does Grief Imapct Our Body?

According to the US National Institute of Aging, grief can affect you both physically and emotionally. As time goes by, you'll still miss your loved one, but for most people, the intense pain will slowly fade. You'll have good days and bad days. It's important to remember that feeling surprised or even guilty for laughing or enjoying time with friends is a common part of the grieving process. It's common to cry easily and experience things like:

• Trouble sleeping
• Lack of interest in food
• Difficulty concentrating
• Problems making decisions

Why Does Intense Grief Affect Mortality?

While the study clearly shows a link between strong, ongoing grief and an increased risk of early death, researchers aren't entirely sure why. Researchers mentioned that past research found connections between high grief and higher rates of heart disease, mental health problems, and even suicide, but more investigation is needed into the link with early death.

However, the study did offer a clue: people in the "high grief" group were more likely to have prescriptions for mental health conditions even before their loved one passed away. This suggests they might have been more emotionally vulnerable, making the loss even harder to cope with. They explained that these individuals also generally had less education.

What Does Intense Grief Mean?

It's normal to feel sad, numb, or lost for a while after a death. However, for some, grief can become so long-lasting or distressing that it turns into something unhealthy, known as complicated grief. People with this condition might struggle to understand or accept the loss, experience intense and ongoing sadness, and find it hard to get back to their daily life or plan for the future. Other signs include being overwhelmed by negative emotions, constantly thinking about the person who died or how they died, and feeling a lack of meaning or purpose in life.

Identifying Those at Risk

Complicated grief is a serious condition that may require extra help. If your sadness is making it difficult to live your daily life, please know that help is available. You can reach out to a support group, a mental health professional, or trusted loved ones. If cost is a concern, ask your doctor or healthcare provider about local programs or professionals who offer affordable or free help.

Doctors might be able to identify people at risk for severe and prolonged grief by looking for previous signs of depression or other serious mental health conditions. If a doctor spots these signs, they can offer specific support, such as tailored follow-up appointments, referrals to therapists, or dedicated grief counseling. This proactive approach could help those most vulnerable navigate their grief and potentially improve their long-term health outcomes.

Being in the military means you may witness things or be involved in combat or missions that are life-threatening and horrible to deal with. There are accidents, training injuries, or difficult situations that place them under immense stress. All of these things lead to PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder. According to the US National Center for PTSD, at some point in their lives, 7 out of 100 veterans will have PTSD. This number increases to 13 for the female veterans. Dealing with this can take a lifetime, with them experiencing symptoms for years.

Combat veterans also often struggle with anxiety, and depression after experiencing traumatic brain injuries (TBI). These struggles can leave them feeling hopeless and even suicidal. However, a surprising new treatment might offer hope: a psychedelic drug called ibogaine.

How Ibogaine Might Help

Ibogaine comes from the roots of an African shrub. A recent study, published in Nature Mental Health, suggests that this drug can safely and effectively treat the long-term effects of TBI in veterans. Thirty veterans took part in the study, traveling to Mexico for the treatment because ibogaine is not legal in the U.S.

Researchers discovered that ibogaine changes brain activity in ways that can reduce stress and help veterans better deal with their past trauma. A lead researcher from Stanford Medicine noted that no other drug has been able to ease the brain and mental health symptoms of TBI in this way. He called the results "dramatic" and plans to study the compound further.

What Ibogaine Is?

People who take ibogaine often say the experience is like a "waking dream," where they think about memories and see strong images. This compound is used in African religious ceremonies and has also been looked at as a possible treatment for depression and to help people overcome drug addiction.

Journey to Mexico and Positive Outcomes

For this study, researchers worked with a small group of 30 special operations veterans. These veterans had lasting symptoms from TBIs and had been exposed to many explosions. The veterans chose to receive ibogaine treatment at a clinic in Mexico on their own. The clinic gave them ibogaine by mouth, with medical supervision. They also received a dose of magnesium, which helps prevent heart problems sometimes linked to the drug.

Before the treatment, doctors from Stanford checked the veterans. Many had PTSD, anxiety, or issues with alcohol. About half had thought about suicide at some point, and some had even attempted it. Within just one month of ibogaine treatment, the improvements were significant:

• PTSD symptoms dropped by 88%
• Depression symptoms dropped by 87%
• Anxiety symptoms dropped by 81%

The veterans also reported less disability and better focus, thinking skills, memory, and impulse control. Another veteran in the study, who served in the U.S. Navy for 27 years, shared that his thinking abilities were "fully restored" after ibogaine, which helped him at work and improved his family life.

How Ibogaine Changes the Brain

Brain scans helped researchers understand why the drug might be effective. Veterans whose planning and organizing skills improved after treatment showed an increase in certain brain waves called theta rhythms. Stronger theta rhythms might help the brain adapt and be more flexible. Similarly, those with fewer PTSD symptoms showed less complicated brain activity, suggesting the drug helps calm the intense stress response associated with PTSD. These brain scans might also help doctors find out which patients would benefit most from ibogaine.

The study reported no serious side effects, and no heart problems occurred. Veterans did mention typical symptoms like headaches and nausea during treatment.

Partly because of these positive findings, Texas recently approved a $50 million plan to fund more studies of ibogaine. This program will help match private money for ibogaine trials, which could lead to the drug being approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA).

Researchers believe ibogaine could become a broader drug for brain recovery. They think it works on unique brain pathways and could help us better understand how to treat other forms of PTSD, anxiety, and depression that aren't necessarily connected to TBI.