‘Inner Child’ is Health and Me's new mental health series where we deep dive into lesser-known aspects of child psychology and how it shapes you as you grow up. Often unheard, mistaken, and misunderstood, in this series we talk about the children’s perspective and their mental health, something different than you might have read in your parenting books. After all, parenting is not just about teaching but also unlearning.Sometime 90 years ago, a psychologist proposed that birth order could have an impact on what kind of person the child becomes once they grow up. It is true, childhood, of course, shapes your personality as you grow up. But what does it mean to be the last one in the birth order?It was the COVID-19 pandemic, when I started to jot down how I felt when suddenly I was home with my entire family under the same roof. Thanks to lockdown restrictions, I was again reminded that I am the youngest in the family. This is when I started writing a journal that I thought I would publish into a book once I finished it. I called it "To Be The Second Born". I jotted down my experience of being the youngest in the house, especially when everyone around me, including both my parents, are the oldest in their family.Contrary to the belief that we are spoiled, I felt that we are often unheard and ignored, because we are always "too young" to be taken seriously. As a result, we revolt and are tagged as defiant. Five years down the line, my boss shared an Instagram reel that described how I felt. The reel went on to talk about how no one sees the struggle of a younger sibling. Or how everyone thinks they always got it easy. When, in reality, it is often because we are so used to being misunderstood that we shut ourselves down, not telling anyone about what is going on. Instead of fighting the 'defiant' tag, we start to live with it. We take responsibility, but never talk about it, because we know we will not be heard.Watching that reel made me realize that it is not just me, but a lot of younger siblings who feel the same. While the book seems like a distant dream, a piece on it doesn't.If you, too, feel the same, this one is for you.ALSO READ: Inner Child: When the Bullied Turns Into A Bully – Psychology Of A Victim’s Defense Turned AttackToo Young To Matter?Krishna, 32, who is originally from Bihar, now in Pune, is the youngest of all the siblings. She has three older siblings, and she tells me that she often felt like a "stupid".This is because her older siblings were very "authoritative". When asked why, she says, "I think culturally, we tend to equate age with wisdom and hence, anyone older than us automatically gets elevated to wiser in comparison."She tells me that she, too, struggled putting her foot down and was often treated as a pushover. It was not until she turned 25 that she openly started to question whatever she was told. Before that, she used to hide things just to avoid confrontation.The reaction was not pleasant. "There was a lot of gaslighting," she tells. However, she stayed firm and made it clear that she needs to be heard too, and should not be controlled. To get a better understanding of why this happens, I spoke to Dr Rahul Chandok, who is a senior consultant and head of psychiatry at Artemis Lite, NFC, Delhi. Chandok explains, "When older siblings are in charge of younger ones and always telling them what to do or correcting them, the younger child may start to doubt themselves or feel bad about themselves. Being told what to do all the time can make it harder for them to think for themselves or trust their own decisions. As time goes on, they may start to hide their thoughts or not take the lead because they are afraid of being judged or criticized."This dynamic can also make younger siblings more anxious or angry. Kati Morton, who is a licensed therapist and a public speaker renowned for her YouTube channel focused on mental health, points out that the youngest children might develop a heightened need for external validation to feel secure about their decisions and actions, potentially leading to anxiety about making mistakes or disappointing others.Chandok explains that this is also true because of repeated invalidation. The reason why younger siblings may often feel like a pushover is because they have been constantly told that their opinions are wrong, "just because they are younger". "Over time, such behaviors can hurt self-esteem, lower self-confidence, and make it hard to speak up for themselves in relationships or at work," explains Chandok.But, Younger Siblings Are Perceived As Defiant And IndifferentThis is because people often get the wrong idea, explains Chandok. "If a child is always told what to do and never asked what they think, pushing back may be the only way they feel in control. If they don't follow directions, break rules, or act like they don't care, they might be trying to say, 'I want to be heard'," he explains.However, not always are the relationships between a younger and older sibling as stringent. For instance, Ayush Upadhayay, 26, who has a three-year age gap with his older sibling, shares that while he has felt unheard, it has not always been a constant feeling. He tries to explain this and says, "They have responsibilities and feel that we are not yet ready for it."When asked if that made him feel neglected or incapable, he said that earlier it used to make him feel that, however, now, he has confronted his older sibling. "Initially, she defended her behavior, later, she understood why I felt that way."In Such Scenarios, What Can Families Do?Families need to make room for everyone to have a say, no matter how old they are. Chandok also explains that families must encourage kids to talk to each other openly. This conversation must allow younger kids to be heard without being interrupted or judged. "Older siblings can make a big difference by asking for their opinions, respecting their choices, and not being bossy," says Chandok.From a young age, parents too should encourage younger kids to make decisions, make choices, and not just praise them for following rules, but also being unique, thinking differently, even when their opinions may not match with the rest.