Health and Me

Tanya Dutt

"I Wouldn’t Trade Motherhood For Anything, But I Miss Me", New Mother’s Honest Confession About Realities Of Motherhood

As I look into the mirror, I see a version of myself that feels both familiar and foreign. The same eyes, but now supported by dark circles of fatigue. The same face, but now lined with the silent sacrifices of <span>motherhood</span>. My hair, loosely pulled up into a soggy bun, retains bits of baby breakfast, and the stretched-out sweatshirt I wear has had more spit-up than I wish to disclose.

I adore my baby—more than words can say. And yet sometimes, I miss her—the person I was prior to motherhood taking over every aspect of my life. The woman who could sleep in on Saturdays, meet friends at a moment's notice for coffee, and luxuriate in long showers without guilt. The woman who had dreams and aspirations that extended past nap times and feeding schedules.

No one prepares you for this aspect of motherhood—the quiet grieving for your former self. It has nothing to do with regretting becoming a mother. It has nothing to do with not valuing the snickers, the milestones, the intense and all-consuming love you have for your child. But what it does mean is that occasionally, in the quiet of the night, when the baby is finally sleeping and the house is still, you find yourself thinking: Where did I go? Though the happiness of motherhood is second to none, many new mothers find themselves wrestling with an internal dilemma: the profound love for their children and the desire for the woman they used to be. This pull and push of motherhood is a reality usually whispered about, but it is one that is worthy of an open, honest discussion.

For Noina, a 32-year-old marketing executive in Mumbai, the transition from independent, career-oriented woman to full-time mother of a newborn was both lovely and perplexing. Two years ago, she was spearheading marketing campaigns for a large company, taking spontaneous weekend trips, and luxuriating in the privileges of solo time. Today, her universe is centered around feeding times, sleepless nights, and round-the-clock diaper changes.

"I always wanted to be a mother, but I never realized how much of myself I would lose in the process," Meera confesses. "I love my baby, but sometimes, I feel like crying out for the freedom of just being me."

<h2>Silent Struggles: Tiredness, Shame, and Alienation</h2>

As with many new mothers, Meera has moments of debilitating fatigue. Rising at 4:30 a.m. to feed the baby, keeping up with domestic chores, and finding a balance between work-from-home duties exhausts her. The assertive woman who dominated boardrooms now second-guesses every parenting move.

Exhilaration brings guilt. "There are days when I just want to sleep for hours, but then I feel guilty for not spending every waking moment with my child," she says. "And then, when I am with him, I sometimes find myself missing my old life—then the guilt gets even worse.

This intrapsychic tug-of-war is typical among new mothers. Based on several studies, almost 80% of women go through postpartum mood changes, with many reporting feelings of isolation, anxiety, and even mild depression. The social pressure put on the mother to be perpetually selfless is just another added source of pressure in the intrapsychic tug-of-war.

Mothers get bombarded by images of 'perfect' parenting—beaming mothers with obedient babies, tidy houses, and undeterred careers. Motherhood in real life is messy, both literally and metaphorically.

"I feel guilty hanging up on a work call to take care of my baby. I feel guilty when I take a long shower just so I can have a few minutes to myself. I feel guilty when I let him cry for a few minutes because I am too tired to answer right away," Noina confesses. "But I've learned that guilt is part of motherhood—it doesn't mean I love my baby any less."

Experts say that guilt usually arises from unrealistic expectations. The secret is understanding that being a 'perfect mother' is a myth. Guilt must be a call to rethink priorities and not a sign of failure.

<h2>Identity Crisis Is Real, Rediscovering the Woman Beyond 'Mom'</h2>

Most women, such as Meera, find it difficult to feel like they lose themselves as 'mother.' Previously, she was a woman with goals, interests, and aspirations. Presently, her identity seems to be defined exclusively by motherhood.

"Sometimes I look in the mirror and don't recognize myself," she confesses. "The girl who once loved dancing, reading, and quiet coffee shop mornings is now a mom who barely has time to comb her hair."

Psychologists stress the need to create personal time, even in small measures. Whether it is reading a book for 15 minutes, going for a walk alone, or picking up an old hobby, these self-care moments can assist mothers in reconnecting with themselves.

<h2>How To Find Time And Accept the Chaos</h2>

Adjusting to motherhood doesn’t mean completely letting go of who you were. It means integrating your old self with your new reality. This can be done by setting small, achievable goals:

<strong>Accepting imperfection:</strong> The house doesn’t have to be spotless, and you don’t have to be available for your baby 24/7.

<strong>Asking for help:</strong> Spouses, family members, and friends can be involved in caregiving. It’s okay to step back when needed.

<strong>Prioritizing mental health:</strong> If sadness, anxiety, or resentment become overwhelming, professional help can be helpful.

<strong>Reclaiming 'me-time': </strong>Taking time—even 30 minutes a day—to focus on self-care can make a big difference in overall well-being.

Motherhood is a journey of extremes—overwhelming love and deep frustration, boundless joy and intense exhaustion. The secret is recognizing that it's okay to miss who you used to be while still loving who you've become.

"I wouldn't trade this life for anything," Noina says with a smile while looking at her baby, who gurgles happily in her arms. "But I am learning that a good mother should also take care of herself. I am more than just a mom—I am still me."

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As I look into the mirror, I see a version of myself that feels both familiar and foreign. The same eyes, but now supported by dark circles of fatigue. The same face, but now lined with the silent sacrifices of motherhood. My hair, loosely pulled up into a soggy bun, retains bits of baby breakfast, and the stretched-out sweatshirt I wear has had more spit-up than I wish to disclose.I adore my baby—more than words can say. And yet sometimes, I miss her—the person I was prior to motherhood taking over every aspect of my life. The woman who could sleep in on Saturdays, meet friends at a moment's notice for coffee, and luxuriate in long showers without guilt. The woman who had dreams and aspirations that extended past nap times and feeding schedules.No one prepares you for this aspect of motherhood—the quiet grieving for your former self. It has nothing to do with regretting becoming a mother. It has nothing to do with not valuing the snickers, the milestones, the intense and all-consuming love you have for your child. But what it does mean is that occasionally, in the quiet of the night, when the baby is finally sleeping and the house is still, you find yourself thinking: Where did I go? Though the happiness of motherhood is second to none, many new mothers find themselves wrestling with an internal dilemma: the profound love for their children and the desire for the woman they used to be. This pull and push of motherhood is a reality usually whispered about, but it is one that is worthy of an open, honest discussion.For Noina, a 32-year-old marketing executive in Mumbai, the transition from independent, career-oriented woman to full-time mother of a newborn was both lovely and perplexing. Two years ago, she was spearheading marketing campaigns for a large company, taking spontaneous weekend trips, and luxuriating in the privileges of solo time. Today, her universe is centered around feeding times, sleepless nights, and round-the-clock diaper changes."I always wanted to be a mother, but I never realized how much of myself I would lose in the process," Meera confesses. "I love my baby, but sometimes, I feel like crying out for the freedom of just being me."Silent Struggles: Tiredness, Shame, and AlienationAs with many new mothers, Meera has moments of debilitating fatigue. Rising at 4:30 a.m. to feed the baby, keeping up with domestic chores, and finding a balance between work-from-home duties exhausts her. The assertive woman who dominated boardrooms now second-guesses every parenting move.Exhilaration brings guilt. "There are days when I just want to sleep for hours, but then I feel guilty for not spending every waking moment with my child," she says. "And then, when I am with him, I sometimes find myself missing my old life—then the guilt gets even worse.This intrapsychic tug-of-war is typical among new mothers. Based on several studies, almost 80% of women go through postpartum mood changes, with many reporting feelings of isolation, anxiety, and even mild depression. The social pressure put on the mother to be perpetually selfless is just another added source of pressure in the intrapsychic tug-of-war.Weight of Guilt and ShameMothers get bombarded by images of 'perfect' parenting—beaming mothers with obedient babies, tidy houses, and undeterred careers. Motherhood in real life is messy, both literally and metaphorically."I feel guilty hanging up on a work call to take care of my baby. I feel guilty when I take a long shower just so I can have a few minutes to myself. I feel guilty when I let him cry for a few minutes because I am too tired to answer right away," Noina confesses. "But I've learned that guilt is part of motherhood—it doesn't mean I love my baby any less."Experts say that guilt usually arises from unrealistic expectations. The secret is understanding that being a 'perfect mother' is a myth. Guilt must be a call to rethink priorities and not a sign of failure.Identity Crisis Is Real, Rediscovering the Woman Beyond 'Mom'Most women, such as Meera, find it difficult to feel like they lose themselves as 'mother.' Previously, she was a woman with goals, interests, and aspirations. Presently, her identity seems to be defined exclusively by motherhood."Sometimes I look in the mirror and don't recognize myself," she confesses. "The girl who once loved dancing, reading, and quiet coffee shop mornings is now a mom who barely has time to comb her hair."Psychologists stress the need to create personal time, even in small measures. Whether it is reading a book for 15 minutes, going for a walk alone, or picking up an old hobby, these self-care moments can assist mothers in reconnecting with themselves.How To Find Time And Accept the ChaosAdjusting to motherhood doesn’t mean completely letting go of who you were. It means integrating your old self with your new reality. This can be done by setting small, achievable goals:Accepting imperfection: The house doesn’t have to be spotless, and you don’t have to be available for your baby 24/7.Asking for help: Spouses, family members, and friends can be involved in caregiving. It’s okay to step back when needed.Prioritizing mental health: If sadness, anxiety, or resentment become overwhelming, professional help can be helpful.Reclaiming 'me-time': Taking time—even 30 minutes a day—to focus on self-care can make a big difference in overall well-being.Motherhood is a journey of extremes—overwhelming love and deep frustration, boundless joy and intense exhaustion. The secret is recognizing that it's okay to miss who you used to be while still loving who you've become."I wouldn't trade this life for anything," Noina says with a smile while looking at her baby, who gurgles happily in her arms. "But I am learning that a good mother should also take care of herself. I am more than just a mom—I am still me."