Health and Me

Ishita Roy

Parenting Habits That Creates Struggling Adults, According To Child Psychologist

Raising a child is not the easiest job. In fact, everyday feels like a new test. Somedays you would find yourself jumping to finish cleaning your child's toys even when you asked them to do. On other days, you would have a meltdown, but will have to manage to stop it. 

But while you do all of these, there may be certain actions that may make your child into a struggling adult. 

<span>Child psychologist</span>, and professor Daniel J Moran, of Touro University New York, told Newsweek, "Parents...are working overtime to make their children's lives smooth and happy. The intention is love, [but[ the outcome is often dependency."

This happens when parents remove discomfort from a child's life. The above example of the parent picking up child's toys is one such instance. If one has to apply science into it, children learn confidence by experiencing consequences and discovering that they can handle it. If parents get everything done for them, they will never know if they could handle a certain situation. 

Moran says that true resilience comes from "hearing to stay present, feel the hard stuff and keep moving toward what matters."

<h2>Three Common Habits And Actions Of Parents That Could Take Away Their Child's Independence And Make Them A Struggling Adult</h2>

Fix Instead of Coach: This happens when parents jump in to solve every problem on their own. This teaches the kids that they do not have to work things on their own. Instead of fixing, parents must coach their kids, guide them into solving things. 

Overpraising: While appreciating one's effort, especially when a child does something big for the first time is important. However, continuously praising your child on a day to day basis, without having to achieve something new or special could remove the learning value of effort and feedback. For every activity that a child does, praise is not the only feedback, it could also be critical in nature. 

Overscheduling: Parents often feel the urge to teach their child everything, especially the things they wanted to learn as kids, but never got to. However, it leaves little room for boredom, which is dangerous, as Moran says that boredom is a place, "where creativity and self direction grow". 

Moran says that the parents should let their kids "struggle safely". Parents can also model questions of acceptance of mistakes and ask reflective questions, such as "who do you want to be right now?"

"If we want confident, capable young adults, we have to let kids practice being uncomfortable,” Moran says. "Confidence doesn’t come from constant praise, but comes from persistence, problem-solving and purpose. A little discomfort today can build the psychological flexibility they’ll need tomorrow.”

Dr Samantha Whiten, clinical psychologist, owner of Best Life Behavioral Health tells Newsweek that overhelping often encourages overdependence. " Doing everything for your child when they can physically do things for themselves... trains them to depend on you for everything versus being proud and confident in what they can master on their own,” she says.

So Whiten recommends a steady approach that can build confidence. The first step is to demonstrate the task and let the child try it while you observe. Then leave the room, observe from afar, because you leaving the room would mean that you are confident in your child.

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Raising a child is not the easiest job. In fact, everyday feels like a new test. Somedays you would find yourself jumping to finish cleaning your child's toys even when you asked them to do. On other days, you would have a meltdown, but will have to manage to stop it. But while you do all of these, there may be certain actions that may make your child into a struggling adult. Child psychologist, and professor Daniel J Moran, of Touro University New York, told Newsweek, "Parents...are working overtime to make their children's lives smooth and happy. The intention is love, [but[ the outcome is often dependency."This happens when parents remove discomfort from a child's life. The above example of the parent picking up child's toys is one such instance. If one has to apply science into it, children learn confidence by experiencing consequences and discovering that they can handle it. If parents get everything done for them, they will never know if they could handle a certain situation. Moran says that true resilience comes from "hearing to stay present, feel the hard stuff and keep moving toward what matters."Three Common Habits And Actions Of Parents That Could Take Away Their Child's Independence And Make Them A Struggling AdultFix Instead of Coach: This happens when parents jump in to solve every problem on their own. This teaches the kids that they do not have to work things on their own. Instead of fixing, parents must coach their kids, guide them into solving things. Overpraising: While appreciating one's effort, especially when a child does something big for the first time is important. However, continuously praising your child on a day to day basis, without having to achieve something new or special could remove the learning value of effort and feedback. For every activity that a child does, praise is not the only feedback, it could also be critical in nature. Overscheduling: Parents often feel the urge to teach their child everything, especially the things they wanted to learn as kids, but never got to. However, it leaves little room for boredom, which is dangerous, as Moran says that boredom is a place, "where creativity and self direction grow". So, What Can Parents Do?Moran says that the parents should let their kids "struggle safely". Parents can also model questions of acceptance of mistakes and ask reflective questions, such as "who do you want to be right now?""If we want confident, capable young adults, we have to let kids practice being uncomfortable,” Moran says. "Confidence doesn’t come from constant praise, but comes from persistence, problem-solving and purpose. A little discomfort today can build the psychological flexibility they’ll need tomorrow.”Dr Samantha Whiten, clinical psychologist, owner of Best Life Behavioral Health tells Newsweek that overhelping often encourages overdependence. " Doing everything for your child when they can physically do things for themselves... trains them to depend on you for everything versus being proud and confident in what they can master on their own,” she says.So Whiten recommends a steady approach that can build confidence. The first step is to demonstrate the task and let the child try it while you observe. Then leave the room, observe from afar, because you leaving the room would mean that you are confident in your child.