Think of when you go to someone's house who has a kid. What is the first thing that happens? The kid is asked to sing, dance, or recite a poem for the guests. If the kid does it, he or she receives applause, and the parents become instantly happy. If the kid fails to do so or hesitates, while the parents smile, and behind it is a pattern that child psychologist call the Trophy Child Syndrome. This happens when parents view their child's talents, grades, or charm as the reflection of their own. While this may seem like a common, everyday household, tradition, it bears a lasting impact on the child. This is what experts call the 'showcase parenting'. What Is A Trophy Child?Paul Opiyo, who writes for Medium says that when a child is exceptionally good at something his or her success is often put at par with parent's reflection. However, this comes in many shapes, for instance, writes Opiyo, if the child shows great athletic talent, the parents initiate a 'Project Mbappe', or when the child demonstrates intellectual gifts, the parents shove a 'Project Einstein' on them. In other parents, from very early on the child discovered that it is not them or their personality, but actually what they do is what's considered important. This is true especially in households with parents who have high narcissistic traits, who are controlling or who are enmeshed. This is where the child is seen just as the extension of a parent and nothing more than that. This forms predictable patterns of family dynamics. The family operates on winning love and approbation. This is not just a competition, but a habit, that gets amped up and becomes the standard by which family members are judged. Are There Signs Of A Trophy Child?While the child may recognize that he or she is a trophy child, there could be many signs that may hint towards those. PerfectionismThe child has a strong need to be perfect at everything they do. The child is also highly sensitive to criticism, because any mistake to the child feels like a failure to meet expectations. People PleasingThe child has a hard time saying 'no', this is because the child has had a habit of seeking validation from others. External ValidationThe child's self worth is also tied to their accomplishments and achievements, which are only celebrated outside, and not private goals. The child learns to feel valuable only when there is something that the child is 'winning' at. Loss Of IdentityIn the race to become someone else or to behave like someone else, personal goals or the child's own interests often gets sidelined. this could lead to a weak sense of self. Experts point out that these kids internalize the message that they are valued for what they do and not who they are. This very feeling creates deep insecurities in them as they enter adulthood. Because even after they have grown up, they feel the constant pressure to prove their worth. Experts also point out that social media has further fueled fire to this. Thanks to social media, many parents are asking their kids to do certain things, record it online and upload it for likes and views. However, there is a way to break the cycle, the first step is to acknowledge that this is happening with you and then to approach a practitioner.
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