It’s almost a reflex action now - your teen seems distracted, moody or defiant and the first thing you reach for is their phone. Many parents believe that once the phone is gone, their child will start behaving better, focusing more and feeling calmer. But psychologists say this approach may be oversimplifying a complex emotional landscape.The Real Issue: Teens Want to Be Understood, Not ControlledTeenagers today are navigating a world far more layered than the one their parents grew up in. Their phones are not just gadgets, they are extensions of their identity, their social life and even their coping mechanisms. When parents link every behavioural problem to 'too much screen time' teens feel misunderstood and invalidated.Also Read: Popcorn Brain: Is This Syndrome Behind Your Difficulty Concentrating? Experts Explain“I am tired of being told that if I stop using my phone, I will feel better. My phone isn’t the problem, it’s how I connect with friends and keep up with what’s happening around me. Why should the rules be different for adults and for us?" says 16-year-old G. KaurThis sentiment echoes across many teenage households - the need to be heard rather than judged. Their brains are still developing, firing signals of independence and identity formation, which often clash with parental control.Why Parents React the Way They DoFor many parents, taking away the phone feels like the only available disciplinary tool. “Whenever I feel helpless about my son’s behaviour, my instant reaction is to taunt him about his phone usage or take it away,” admits one mother. “I know it is not right, but I don’t know what else to do. We grew up without phones and turned out fine but today’s kids just can’t seem to focus.”This response, psychologists say, stems from fear and frustration. The digital world is unfamiliar territory for many parents, and snatching the phone feels like regaining control. But in reality, it often deepens the disconnect between parent and child.Also Read: What Are Kratom And Kava, The Controversial Ingredients In ‘Feel Free’ Drinks?What Psychologists Recommend InsteadFirst and foremost, understand the role of the phone. For teens, phones serve as social lifelines, a place where they explore identity, friendship and belonging. Dismissing that entirely can make them feel isolated. So instead of taking the phone away, have open conversations about how and why they use it.Next focus on connection, not control. Rather than imposing blanket bans, set boundaries. For instance, agree on screen-free times during meals or before bed but let your teen be part of the decision-making. This gives them a sense of respect and control.Also, look for the real reason behind behaviour. Irritability, withdrawal or lack of focus may not always be caused by phone use. These could be signs of stress, anxiety or emotional overwhelm. Model healthy digital habits yourself. Teens mirror adult behaviour. If they see you constantly checking emails or scrolling late at night, they will assume it’s normal. Keep an open communication. Teens respond better to empathy than authority. Simple statements like “I understand it’s hard to disconnect, even for me sometimes” or “I want to know what’s stressing you out” can make way for honest conversations.In the end, parents need to understand that phones are not the enemy, disconnection is. When parents focus solely on controlling screen time, they risk missing the deeper emotional needs of their teens. Instead of snatching the phone, try reaching for understanding.After all, the goal isn’t to raise a child who lives without a phone, it’s to raise one who can live well with it.
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