Health and Me

Rachel V Thomas

The Working Mother’s Double Shift: Office Deadlines, Baby Duties and Endless Guilt | Women’s Day Special

Imagine standing at the starting line of a race, dressed properly with the best running shoes and ready to give your best. Yet, as the race begins, you notice that while half of the runners beside you have a clear path ahead, yours is filled with obstacles -- a dirty diaper, a crying baby, piles of laundry, a sink full of dishes, an empty fridge, cooking to be done, and countless other responsibilities.

If you pictured that correctly, you have just imagined the race of a man (with a clear road) and a woman’s race — more precisely, the race of a mother.

In 2019, the chairman of the Mahindra Group, Anand Mahindra, famously posted on the social media platform X, featuring the race of a working man and a woman, sparking a conversation on gender equality.

On International Women’s Day, women are given flowers, cake, or chocolates as a matter of appreciation for their seemingly multi-talented roles, but hardly does that go into consideration by families, partners, and workplaces.

Sanjana (name changed), a marketing professional from Bengaluru, was overjoyed as she held her first baby after a bout of four years of trying, several treatments, and constant pressure from family and society.

Speaking to HealthandMe, she said that the joy, however, was short-lived when she decided to get back to work.

“I had to figure out the support system -- what will I do, what will my husband do, and from what time to what time I need to keep a nanny. When I joined, I realized there was zero flexibility. I couldn’t leave work before completing a nine-hour shift and had to travel two hours back and forth. I was exhausted by the time I got back home, but nothing was ever ready for me to relax. It felt like the beginning of another shift after getting home. 

"The baby would be eagerly awaiting me, and my mother's guilt was at its peak, so even though I was physically exhausted, I would still want to give him my time. Since I could never pick my baby up or get him or his meals ready for daycare, I felt guilty asking my husband to do more,” she told HealthandMe.

Shopping for groceries, refilling the baby’s necessities, making sure food is cooked as per everyone’s taste, and ensuring the baby’s routine isn’t disturbed are major responsibilities of most mothers.

“For a new-age mother, every day is a battle between love and responsibility. She meets deadlines with sleepless eyes and hugs her child with a tired heart. Judged at work, questioned at home -- yet she shows up. Not perfect, not rested, but relentless,” said Shivangi (name changed), an IT professional from Delhi.

While a woman’s quiet strength is often marked as victory, facing warzone-like situations every day -- from boardrooms to bedtime stories, meeting deadlines and doctor visits, balancing ambition, and affection -- takes a heavy toll on her mental and physical health.

HealthandMe spoke to <span>Mimansa Singh Tanwar</span>, Clinical Psychologist and Head of the Fortis School Mental Health Program at Fortis Healthcare, on the struggles of new mothers.

“New mothers often find themselves stretched thin while balancing the constant nurturing needs of the child and trying to realign their life with a change in their self-identity. This is a period of huge transition, both emotionally and physically, where new mothers tend to experience feelings of guilt for not being able to do enough for the child or not doing it the ‘right’ way. They often find themselves divided between work and the child’s needs once they resume work. It’s important to be gentle with yourself and accept that you don’t have to do everything perfectly,” Tanwar said.

“Being a mother is itself a moment of pure joy, but for many new mothers, it is also the beginning of a relentless balancing act. There are significant underlying hormonal and neurochemical changes that affect mood and behavior. Sleepless nights, multiple feeding schedules, household expectations, multitasking, and trying to match the ‘ideal perfect mother’ image can have a significant impact on the mind. 

"Mothers often put their own needs quietly at the bottom of the list, which affects their overall well-being,” Dr. Sameer Malhotra, Principal Director - Department of Mental Health and Behavioral Sciences, Max Super Specialty Hospital, Saket, told HealthandMe.

<h2>Is There a <span rel="noindex">Motherhood</span> Penalty?</h2>

Several studies have pointed out how returning to the workplace as a new mother can be a vulnerable time for women. Many are likely to face baby blues, characterized by feeling weepy or anxious. Maternal labor force participation also sees a dip after motherhood.

A 2021 study published in the Journal of Development Economics showed that motherhood caused a sharp decline in employment in Chile, with 38 percent of working women leaving the workforce and 37 percent still out a decade later.

Global estimates by UN Women and the International Labor Organization (ILO) showed that more than 2 million mothers left the labor force in 2020.

During the pandemic, about 113 million women aged 25–54 with partners and small children were out of the workforce in 2020. This figure is astonishing, particularly when compared to their male peers (13 million of whom were out of the workforce, up from 8 million before <span>COVID-19</span>).

A 2007 study published in the American Journal of Sociology found that mothers face penalties in hiring, starting salaries, and perceived competence, while fathers can benefit from being a parent. Mothers were six times less likely than childless women and 3.35 times less likely than childless men to be recommended for hire. Mothers were also recommended a 7.9 percent lower starting salary than non-mothers.

Tanwar urged women to “be gentle with yourself and accept that you don’t have to do everything perfectly.”

<ul><li>Setting small, realistic goals</li><li>Resting whenever possible</li><li>Asking for help</li><li>Sharing responsibilities with family members</li><li>Staying connected with supportive family or friends</li><li>Talking openly about your feelings to ease the load</li></ul>

“Simple self-care, even a few quiet moments each day, helps restore calm and energy. It is important to remember that looking after yourself is a key part of caring well for your baby,” Tanwar said.

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Imagine standing at the starting line of a race, dressed properly with the best running shoes and ready to give your best. Yet, as the race begins, you notice that while half of the runners beside you have a clear path ahead, yours is filled with obstacles -- a dirty diaper, a crying baby, piles of laundry, a sink full of dishes, an empty fridge, cooking to be done, and countless other responsibilities.If you pictured that correctly, you have just imagined the race of a man (with a clear road) and a woman’s race — more precisely, the race of a mother.In 2019, the chairman of the Mahindra Group, Anand Mahindra, famously posted on the social media platform X, featuring the race of a working man and a woman, sparking a conversation on gender equality.On International Women’s Day, women are given flowers, cake, or chocolates as a matter of appreciation for their seemingly multi-talented roles, but hardly does that go into consideration by families, partners, and workplaces.Sanjana (name changed), a marketing professional from Bengaluru, was overjoyed as she held her first baby after a bout of four years of trying, several treatments, and constant pressure from family and society.Speaking to HealthandMe, she said that the joy, however, was short-lived when she decided to get back to work.“I had to figure out the support system -- what will I do, what will my husband do, and from what time to what time I need to keep a nanny. When I joined, I realized there was zero flexibility. I couldn’t leave work before completing a nine-hour shift and had to travel two hours back and forth. I was exhausted by the time I got back home, but nothing was ever ready for me to relax. It felt like the beginning of another shift after getting home. "The baby would be eagerly awaiting me, and my mother's guilt was at its peak, so even though I was physically exhausted, I would still want to give him my time. Since I could never pick my baby up or get him or his meals ready for daycare, I felt guilty asking my husband to do more,” she told HealthandMe.Shopping for groceries, refilling the baby’s necessities, making sure food is cooked as per everyone’s taste, and ensuring the baby’s routine isn’t disturbed are major responsibilities of most mothers.“For a new-age mother, every day is a battle between love and responsibility. She meets deadlines with sleepless eyes and hugs her child with a tired heart. Judged at work, questioned at home -- yet she shows up. Not perfect, not rested, but relentless,” said Shivangi (name changed), an IT professional from Delhi.While a woman’s quiet strength is often marked as victory, facing warzone-like situations every day -- from boardrooms to bedtime stories, meeting deadlines and doctor visits, balancing ambition, and affection -- takes a heavy toll on her mental and physical health.HealthandMe spoke to Mimansa Singh Tanwar, Clinical Psychologist and Head of the Fortis School Mental Health Program at Fortis Healthcare, on the struggles of new mothers.“New mothers often find themselves stretched thin while balancing the constant nurturing needs of the child and trying to realign their life with a change in their self-identity. This is a period of huge transition, both emotionally and physically, where new mothers tend to experience feelings of guilt for not being able to do enough for the child or not doing it the ‘right’ way. They often find themselves divided between work and the child’s needs once they resume work. It’s important to be gentle with yourself and accept that you don’t have to do everything perfectly,” Tanwar said.“Being a mother is itself a moment of pure joy, but for many new mothers, it is also the beginning of a relentless balancing act. There are significant underlying hormonal and neurochemical changes that affect mood and behavior. Sleepless nights, multiple feeding schedules, household expectations, multitasking, and trying to match the ‘ideal perfect mother’ image can have a significant impact on the mind. "Mothers often put their own needs quietly at the bottom of the list, which affects their overall well-being,” Dr. Sameer Malhotra, Principal Director - Department of Mental Health and Behavioral Sciences, Max Super Specialty Hospital, Saket, told HealthandMe.Is There a Motherhood Penalty?Several studies have pointed out how returning to the workplace as a new mother can be a vulnerable time for women. Many are likely to face baby blues, characterized by feeling weepy or anxious. Maternal labor force participation also sees a dip after motherhood.A 2021 study published in the Journal of Development Economics showed that motherhood caused a sharp decline in employment in Chile, with 38 percent of working women leaving the workforce and 37 percent still out a decade later.Global estimates by UN Women and the International Labor Organization (ILO) showed that more than 2 million mothers left the labor force in 2020.During the pandemic, about 113 million women aged 25–54 with partners and small children were out of the workforce in 2020. This figure is astonishing, particularly when compared to their male peers (13 million of whom were out of the workforce, up from 8 million before COVID-19).A 2007 study published in the American Journal of Sociology found that mothers face penalties in hiring, starting salaries, and perceived competence, while fathers can benefit from being a parent. Mothers were six times less likely than childless women and 3.35 times less likely than childless men to be recommended for hire. Mothers were also recommended a 7.9 percent lower starting salary than non-mothers.How Mothers Can Help ThemselvesTanwar urged women to “be gentle with yourself and accept that you don’t have to do everything perfectly.”Other measures include:Setting small, realistic goalsResting whenever possibleAsking for helpSharing responsibilities with family membersStaying connected with supportive family or friendsTalking openly about your feelings to ease the load“Simple self-care, even a few quiet moments each day, helps restore calm and energy. It is important to remember that looking after yourself is a key part of caring well for your baby,” Tanwar said.